Feeding Time at the Zoo
by Nightshade2412
Summary: Alex wasn't quite sure how a visit to the zoo could be more chaotic than preventing megalomaniacs taking over the world. And that was before Eagle showed up… For Spyfest 2017, Week 1.


**A.N. It was a weird prompt, and one of the words only just made it in there, but it was fun to write! I hope you all enjoy it, and don't forget to review and look out for other Spyfest stories :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider. Or the Camel, obviously. And I should probably thank the creators of the London Zoo website, since that was really helpful. (Thank you!)**

 _The Camel's hump is an ugly lump  
Which well you may see at the Zoo;  
But uglier yet is the hump we get  
From having too little to do_

 _-Rudyard Kipling, How the Camel got his Hump_

It probably wasn't normal, Alex thought, to find looking after eight-year-olds harder than preventing a tsunami. He brushed his hair wearily out of his face as he trailed after the class, cursing himself for ever having agreed to come on the trip.

"It'll be fun!" Jack had said. "You get a free visit to London Zoo and you won't actually have to do anything. The teachers will take care of everything."

Alex had agreed, mostly out of boredom. It was April and he hadn't been on a mission for two months. He was fed up with school work and felt that helping chaperone the kids from the local primary school would be a good excuse to avoid doing it – four hours in, he was realising that rationalising surds would have been the far less tedious option.

The Year 4 class was studying the rainforest. They had spent the time before lunch in the Rainforest Life exhibition and the education centre with some of the zoo staff, completing set activities. Then they started walking through the main zoo, trying to fill in a worksheet about the animals they could see that were from rainforests. They had already visited Butterfly Paradise, which had drawn delighted squeals from the girls, and B.U.G.S, where the squeals were for a different reason. After putting up with the high pitched voices and having to tell Mandy Phillips not to drop her sheet _for the third time,_ he could feel the beginning of a headache coming on.

Finally, they reached an exhibit which everyone could agree was rather exciting. It was an enclosure containing black-capped squirrel monkeys, and they were allowed to walk through it with nothing between them and the animals.

"These monkeys are from South America," the tour guide was saying. "They eat mostly insects, with some fruit and seeds as well…"

As she continued to lecture, Alex found himself tuning in to a conversation between two boys just in front of him. One of them was a particularly troublesome boy, so he had quickly learned that his name was Toby. The other he didn't know – he decided to nickname him Smudge after the chocolaty stain on his face.

"Do you remember all those ants we saw?" Toby said. "I bet the monkeys eat those."

"Ugh. I wouldn't want to eat ants."

"I dare you to eat an ant!"

"No way!" Smudge protested. "I dare _you._ "

"I dared you first."

"Well… I dared you second. And second's the best."

"Chicken."

"You're a chicken too."

"No I'm not! I'll do it."

Alex noticed that Toby was now staring around at the ground, trying to find an ant, and with a long-suffering sigh he stepped forward.

"I'm sure we're all already aware that you evolved at a slower rate than the rest of humanity. There is no need to demonstrate your resemblance to the primates here. Leave the ants alone."

The kids stared up at him, understanding that he was telling them not to eat ants but not quite following the rest of what he said, which was probably just as well. As he moved off, they returned to their conversation, making a greater effort to be quiet.

"I bet monkeys eat onions."

"Ugh. I wouldn't want to eat onions. Not if they were raw…"

It came as something of a relief to walk past the big cats and have the lions and tigers awe the kids into relative silence. It was still nothing approaching the literal meaning of the word, but gave Alex's ears a much welcomed rest. He admired the powerful creatures for a minute before his gaze started to wander and he found himself people-watching instead, trying to guess the relationships and why they were there. There was a group of about half a dozen OAPs, some in wheelchairs with younger people pushing them. Alex thought they were on an outing from a retirement home… Then there was the Spanish couple, on holiday together for the first time since they started dating, and that little girl running up to the glass of the Tiger Territory probably had a harried parent trying to catch up. He could see a man now that might be her father coming round the corner, rushing in pursuit.

"Look, Uncle Eagie! Big kitties!"

Ok, so it was her uncle, not her dad, but Alex felt quite pleased that he had guessed that the two were connected. The man had passed him while he was watching the girl, so now he could only see his back.

"Lucy! What did I tell you about running off?"

Lucy blinked at him innocently and pointed emphatically at the tigers.

"Right. Big kitties, how wonderful!" the uncle agreed with very fake enthusiasm. Alex grinned, glad that someone was suffering just as much as he was.

At that moment, the school party began to move on, and Alex had to follow. He cast a final glance over his shoulder at the pair – and stopped dead.

"Sh- sugar!" he muttered, changing track halfway through the word _just in case_ any of the kids he was meant to be taking care of were in earshot. The grin had dropped off his face and he stared, dumbfounded, before quickly turning away and hastening after the class, praying that the man hadn't seen him. It was just his classic Rider luck that he would run into Eagle of all people on a trip to the zoo. Alan Blunt didn't believe in coincidence; Alex Rider knew that Fate hated him.

A rush of cool air roused him from his bleak mood as they entered the Reptile House and Alex didn't even have to look at the creatures there to know it was his least favourite exhibit. The darkness was making him feel claustrophobic and there was a tangible animosity from the animals which he could feel but couldn't quite explain – the sense that hundreds of eyes were watching him.

"This is the king cobra," the tour guide said as they stopped next to a cage containing a long, smooth snake with a flickering tongue and beady eyes. "It's found throughout the rainforests of Asia."

Alex found himself reminded of the various villains he had met over the past year and looked away, but typically it only got worse. He found himself transfixed as he was caught in the gaze of a crocodile and stepped closer, fascinated by the feeling of being so close – again – to such a dreadful creature but this time in no danger from their snapping jaws… he rolled his shoulders as a faint muscle memory left them aching.

"I don't like cwocodiles."

Alex glanced down in surprise. He had been so mesmerised that he hadn't even noticed that Eagle's niece had come up next to him and pressed her face to the glass. It appeared that she had left the soldier behind, again, for which he was thankful.

"Yeah, me neither," he said softly. This species was smaller than the ones he had been dangled over, but they still gave him the creeps.

"Do you fink they can break through the glass?"

"Nah," Alex said, though he was really wishing she'd shut up and stop adding to his already fraught mental state.

"I'm Lucy. What's your name?"

"Alex."

He heard approaching footsteps and carefully did not turn round.

"Lucy!" What did I tell you… ah, whatever." Eagle noticed the blond boy and frowned. "I hope you haven't been talking to strangers and making a nuisance of yourself."

"He's not a stwanger! His name's Alex and he's nice."

"Why do I ever agree to what my sister wants me to do?" Eagle asked of no one in particular. He picked the girl up so she couldn't run off again. "I hope she hasn't bothered you," he added you, manoeuvring Lucy so he could shake Alex's hand.

Alex glanced at it and reluctantly turned to grasp it. "No problem," he muttered. He tried to escape back to the class, but it was too late.

"Wait… no way. Cub?"

He sighed and wondered how such a gleeful face could look more evil than the cold-blooded snakes. "Hi, Eagle."

"What're you doing here? Spying on the lemurs? Leaving a dead drop for the crocodiles?"

"Oh yeah, me and crocodiles have a long history of dead drops. I dangle over them and if I drop, I'm dead."

"That made no sense. There's no way you could dangle over these crocodiles."

"Who said it had to be these ones?"

Eagle was chuckling, going along with the joke. Alex glanced at the lumbering reptiles again and shuddered.

"Hang on – you're serious, aren't you?"

Alex looked up at the SAS man and saw that he was suddenly much more sober. He wasn't quite sure why Eagle believed him so easily, but he supposed that Wolf might have told him about the infamous snowboarding on an ironing board.

"I'd hate to give Lucy nightmares." _God knows I get enough of those myself_ , he thought.

"Why?"

"You're actually asking me why I shouldn't give your niece nightmares?"

"No, I'm asking you why you get them."

"I said that out loud?"

"Yeah"

"Dang." Alex looked about him for an escape route. "Forget it. I gotta go – I'm meant to be chaperoning…"

He inched towards the class. Eagle stopped him with his free hand.

"Wait. Have you got a bit of paper?"

Alex felt in his pockets and pulled out a crumpled receipt.

"That'll do. Take this pen and write this down, my hands are full." He reeled off a telephone number. "Just call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay…" Alex said slowly, drawing out the vowels. Judging by Eagle's expression, the man was equally unsure of why he'd made the offer. He supposed the soldier was at liberty to do what he liked with his phone number and pocketed it. "Thanks."

"Right. See you around, Cub."

The man and the girl moved off towards the exit and the class came towards him.

"The Philippine crocodile is one of the rarest kinds on the planet," the tour guide said. "It's considered critically endangered due to the persecution and deforestation it faces."

Alex really couldn't bring himself to care.


End file.
